You’re my cool shores and western stars, where we live ain’t who we are…

At the end of my weekend trip in Uruguay, we drove up this windy road and walked down a gravel path that revealed the house of Carlos Paez Vilarao. This famous Latin American artist built the white clay structure called Casapueblo  on the side of the cliff overlooking the Atlantic coast with the most breathtaking view of the ocean I have seen in a long time. The Casapueblo was built in stages by the artist to resemble the mud nests created by the region's native hornero birds. It is now a hotel and a museum of his works, where admirers come from all over the world to marvel at his works. At sunset, we enjoyed a café con leche and listened to poetry recordings of the artist. Quiet, peaceful, reflective. It is in these times I look inward and feel the deepest love of God over my life. How constant, like the tide washing in and out on the shoreline, sometimes He may feel far or near, but He is always there. How He paints the sky with colors that burn my eyes, but I can’t help but stare. The Creator of man, created man and through art, poetry, music, dance - man gives back through his own expressions…a testament of His beauty and grace. Carlos Paez Vilarao called this house his “living sculpture”. Isn’t that what we are? Living sculptures formed from clay and dust, brought to life by His holy sacrifice. The Bible says that He is the potter, we are the clay. Our lives become shaped and moulded to reflect our experiences…and through them we change.  

Passing by the airport in the cab on the way back to my apartment, I saw families standing by the fence watching the planes land at sunset. Dads were holding their sons up on their shoulders as the massive jets landed in a glow of blue and green lights. Husbands and wives stood with their arms around each other, a steady hand on their babies’ stroller in awe of the runway. My dad used to take my brother and I to watch the planes land too. And it made me think of how people, families everywhere have so much in common, how the simplest things in life are things that we all share…

My second month in Buenos Aires is almost over and as I returned to the city after only being away for four days, I realized that I really do love it here. Maybe I had to leave to appreciate it. Maybe that holds true for everything in our lives, that you have to leave or it has to be taken away before you truly realize how incredible it was. After leaving my parents to spend four years in Providence, I developed a friendship with them that I wouldn’t trade for anything. After my brother left home for college, our relationship became stronger. And after leaving the guy I love, I still feel as though we are closer than ever before and the love I have continues to grow, despite the distance, despite the odds. Maybe we are meant to leave the things we love for a season, to realize how much they truly mean.  

“Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you. You must travel it by yourself.  It is not far. It is within reach. Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.  Perhaps it is everywhere - on water and land.” – Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

El color en el espacio y en el tiempo...

After work one afternoon, my boss and now friend mentioned there was a new collection she wanted to see, featuring over 150 works of Venezuelan artist Carlos Cruz-Diez at the MALBA (Museo de Arte Latinoamericano de Buenos Aires). I am not usually a big fan of modern art, a red square on a white canvas or some paint thrown around may be art to one, but it just doesn't do anything for me, I just don't feel a connection to it. Maybe I have been spoiled by seeing the most breathtaking Renaissance art in Italy...staring up at the Sistine Chapel and tears filling my eyes and witnessing the faces of marble sculptures that had more true and real features than actual human beings. As I began to dread walking around looking at boring shapes and colors, my perspective completely changed as I entered the next room...

His exhibit, "el color en el espacio y en el tiempo" means "color in space and time" as the pieces seemed to come alive as I walked past, traveling through actual space and time. Using paint, plastic, cardboard, silk screen, light and shapes, Cruz-Diez creates the effect of the pieces physically changing form as I moved around them. If I stood directly in front, it would appear as a blur, but if I walked to the right or the left, I see different shapes appear and the colors change and sharpen. In fact, the yellow I saw within a specific piece, actually didn't exist, rather it was the retina's perception of the contrast of red and green stripes projected into space. The play of light and color appear as if they were living organisms in a constant state of transformation. It was incredible. It was moving. It was unlike anything I had ever seen. And yet, I couldn't help but notice the connection this art has to our lives. Sometimes, we see the picture directly in front of us. Blurry, confused, scary even. But when we change our perspective, when we walk around it and actually peer into it, our view changes, our attitude changes. And as the pieces change, we too can change. Morphing into the person we were truly meant to be. Through space and through time, we can each become greater than what we first appeared to be.

está sola

Most of us are at that point in our lives where we are discovering what it is we want out of our time here on this earth, and maybe you are not at that point right now, but trust me, you will be someday. Some of us face it head on, knowing what we want with confidence and conviction; others of us know what we desire, but for some reason the universe has shown us that it just is not meant to be, and some, are left wondering; left discovering. So here is my journey, to look fear in the face and move to Buenos Aires, Argentina for four months completely alone. I’ve heard it said that you should take chances in your life, to not live with regret, to follow your heart, and I feel as though I am doing all of those things, but it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Leaving the familiar for the unfamiliar. As I stumble to remember the Spanish I learned over five years ago, figure out how the gas switch works in my tiny kitchen, and avoid stubbing my toes on the crumbling sidewalks, I learn to notice the beauty in it all. To laugh at my mistakes and actually stop to smell the flowers and marvel at the lush leaves that shade me from the intense heat. I see the beauty and reflect on how I have so much to be grateful for. I think of my parents, who encourage me and provide for me to have these amazing experiences, my boyfriend who is my best friend, who doesn’t care how many times I cry to him on Skype and who loves. Unconditionally. And my friends, you are my pillars and your words of support are written on my heart and mind. So today, I notice beauty. The old couple walking their dog down the sidewalk, the best friends sitting in the café catching up over café con leche and the kids playing soccer in the park. Through it all, I know that when I discover what it is that I want to do, I know this will shape my life in more ways than I ever knew.

Peace in the winter

Isn't it amazing how even though the leaves are gone, the brids still choose to decorate the tree's branches...they land on the barren landscape, sit for a while and fly away...peaceful and calm 

There is nothing in which the birds differ more from man than the way in which they can build and yet leave a landscape as it was before. Robert Lynd

Only got one.

Since the onset of my journey navigating the complex world of what is known as graduate school, I have been blessed with meeting three very special women. During dinner with them tonight, one of them said something so simple, yet so profound that it actually re-centered me and re-connected me back to the passion I have for writing. The conversation we were having was about experiencing life in all of its richness and the hopes of one day being well-off enough to be able to pack a small suitcase and set off for a destination unknown...and I mentioned how ever since I can remember I've had not only a list of places I wanted to experience and write about, but actual cutouts from Condé Nast Traveller and National Geographic Traveler of faraway destinations that I hoped to one day visit and detail my encounters therein. My friend looked at me and said "you can do anything you want to do. That's not an unrealistic dream to achieve." 

Of course I know this...I am a big believer in the fact that if you want something in this life, you can obtain it. Sure, it may take hard work, it may be uncomfortable, it may even be the greatest challenge of your life, but it's worth it. The experience, the change you feel while you are experiencing life in its fullest and most beautiful form are worth all the pain and struggle when you finally arrive there. And when you do, just be sure to breathe it in and enjoy it. Because this is your life...and you've only got one. Maybe I just needed to hear it out loud. 

There’s a meaning to the world, we’re givin love

In a city that moves unbelievably fast, sometimes we just need to slow down and smell the roses. Subways screech past me as I squint my eyes closed to avoid the dry air and dirt, workmen push heavy carts laden with clinking wine glasses, pushy nannies weave strollers between packed sidewalks and important businessmen hustle past those who are getting in the way of their extremely important meetings or corporate happy-hours. I too, have adjusted to moving at this pace. I now take breakfast on the go which consists of fruit yogurt and granola in a paper cup and leave my clothes strewn about my room from the morning’s dilemma of choosing an outfit. I was definitely going to make the 2 downtown, but as I hurried past a homeless man huddled in old blankets with a Bible in his lap I couldn’t resist stopping to give him the other half of my bagel. It took all of three seconds, but in that moment, everything slowed down. With his simple ‘thank you’ I was off again. This world is constantly moving…the circumference of the Earth at the equator is 25,000 miles. The Earth rotates in about 24 hours. Therefore, if you were to hang above the surface of the Earth at the equator without moving, you would see 25,000 miles pass by in 24 hours, at a speed of 25000/24 or just over 1038 miles per hour. We are always moving...but sometimes, we can find the greatest rest in just slowing down and paying a little bit more attention to those around us…

There she goes..

 New York City, the city of dreams, the city of bright lights and Broadway, the city of eccentric people, cigarettes and bright yellow cabs that aren’t afraid to run over my new Charles David heels. Since my life seems to be comprised of a series of chaotic yet divinely ordered experiences, I have somehow found myself alone in a small room with the nauseating smell of fresh paint and a Polish girl singing off-key next door.  I have already accumulated four Chinese take-out menus, sanitary shower flip-flops and a friend at the front desk of the apartment building I am living in for the next six weeks as I work a 40-hour week with the title ‘volunteer intern to the President of UNICEF’ despite the fact that I have a Bachelor’s degree in Political Science and Spanish and countless internships to my name. 

What amazes me the most is how alone one can feel in a city of 19,490,297. (US Census Bureau 2008) What amazes me even more than that is how many times one can get lost in this city. Yesterday I got lost in Kmart. Kmart. I don’t even LIKE Kmart, but who knows where the closet Target is. Today I was so proud of myself for correctly navigating my way all the way from Wall Street (by where I work) to Park Avenue (where Bible Study Fellowship meets), that by the time I exited the subway station, had no clue where I was, hailed a cab, accidentally told the driver 250 Park Ave instead of 520 Park Ave, paid him 15 dollars and arrived at my destination, that self-congratulatory feeling had completely dissipated.

Despite the somewhat stressful start, I know beyond all hope, beyond all fear, that God Himself has opened the doors to my passion…being a part of something bigger than myself, working for an organization that is making differences in the lives of children globally and bringing a greater understanding to the meaning of life. I know it happens this way…when we place ourselves out of our comfort zones, everything seems daunting at first…sometimes we might even contemplate giving up…but we know that when it’s over we will realize how enriching it truly was.

So for now, I’m gonna put on my aviators, tighten the straps of my new Northface, turn up my iPod and walk confidently in the direction of my dreams.